Dear  Sheila,

I’m so lonely.  I go to work, I come home and on the weekends I visit my parents.  Sometimes I get together with the few friends that I have but mostly they are married with kids and don’t have time for a single friend. 

I don’t have a girlfriend-haven’t in a couple of years.  Sometimes when I think about going home after work and I know it’s going to be another evening by myself I feel almost panicked. 

-Lonely Lance in Mukilteo

Dear Lance,

Loneliness is hard but it’s important to know we ALL experience it from time to time.  Even married couples, people with lots of friends, etc.  experience loneliness now and again.  It is a universal human experience.

First off, try not to be so impressed by it.  It won’t kill you and it will pass.  Allow the loneliness to just exist and work on befriending yourself, treat yourself as you would a best friend, get to know yourself better.  You may actually begin to enjoy your own company!

Of course there are times when we just don’t want to be alone and at those times I suggest you turn your focus outward.  Develop a new hobby that takes you out into the world, take a class or get involved in an activity that interests you or volunteer your time to something that you find appealing.

When you turn yourself outward not only will you forget about your loneliness you will become inspired by your activities.  Getting involved in things that are of interest to you will put you in connection with like minded people and you will have an opportunity to make new friends and connections.

Be open to connections and friendships with all different kinds of people.  Don’t be limited by your own concept of what a friend has to be.  You can have all different kinds of friendships.  The friends that you share a hobby with may not be the same friends that you’d go with to a movie.  That’s OK.  You can have friends that reflect different aspects of your life. 

Sometimes we get stuck on an idea of what friendship has to look like and who a friend should be but we are richer for all different kinds of connections with people.

When we turn ourselves outward rather than focusing on our own displeasure we tend to forget all about our own issues and enjoy what’s going on in the world around us. 

So allow for the existence of loneliness, we all experience it and try not to worry about it.  Take good care of yourself by being your own best friend.  Try and enjoy your own company and get to know yourself better.  Also, work to turn your attention outward.  Get involved in new activities, hobbies or volunteer your time to something that interests you. 

By taking both of these approaches you will diminish your anxiety about loneliness and broaden the scope of your life.  You will soon experience the riches of a fuller life.

Sheila Jalali is a Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Old Town at 627 5th Street, Suite 203 in Mukilteo.   She can be reached at (425) 244-2565 or by email at Sheila@JalaliCounseling.com.  Put “Permission” on the subject line.  She welcomes questions and comments.  Learn more about her counseling practice on her website www.jalalicounseling.com.

The information in this article is for informational purposes only and is not meant as medical/mental health advice for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical or mental health conditions.