Dear Sheila,

I know this sounds pathetic, but food is my best friend:  it cheers me up, it comforts me, it's always there for me.  I can count on food when I can't count on anyone else. 

How can I ever lose weight when all I think about is what I'm going to eat next?  I love food, but I've got to lose weight; otherwise I'm always going to be lonely without friends and romantic relationships.  What can I do?

-Franny the Food Lover in Mukilteo

Dear Franny,

It's time to take an honest look and begin to recognize your true relationship with food.  You think food's your best friend, but how does it make you feel long term?  A friend's support stays with us not just during the two minutes it takes to eat a candy bar. 

Friends don't constantly hurt us the way food does when we have a moment of gratification and then feel the discomfort of over-eating. Friends don't encourage us to do unhealthy things like gain excess amounts of weight.  What kind of friend causes this kind of pain?   

Food has become your way of avoiding reality.  Every time you're thinking about what you are going to eat next you are avoiding thinking about what's really going on in your life.  What I often ask my clients is:  What would you be thinking about right now if you weren't thinking about food? 

Food can be a temptress who keeps us from really living our lives.  It's time to take care of your real needs and feel fulfilled, not just filled.  It is your unhealthy relationship with food that is keeping you lonely, because it distracts you from spending time with people and shames you into feeling unworthy of dating and being with friends.

Stop waiting to live.  Your life is happening right now.  It's not going to happen someday when you're "thin and perfect" - that's part of the illusion that comes from the food addict's distorted perception that allows them to keep on eating their lives away. 

The clever little food monster inside of you says, "It's going to be forever until I reach my goals, so I might as well eat," and when you give in then the frustrated, hopeless part of you says, "I just ate so it's going to take even longer to reach my goals, so I might as well eat some more."

See the trap?  It repeats over and over until you're umptieth pounds and truly hopeless and incapacitated by weight.

How do you change your life?  Right now, this very moment.  If you can make one good food choice in this moment, you are off to a good start.  It is that simple.  How quick does it take to turn things around and begin to feel better?  Minutes.  Show yourself that you can make a good choice and celebrate your decision to live a better life. 

Does this mean you'll never eat something fabulously rich and decadent again?  No.  It means you can have a small piece of that delicious something once in awhile rather than three times a day.  We're talking about portion control and exercise - two things that sound like punishment, but are truly your best friends. 

Portion control allows you to feel good AFTER you eat, not just while you're eating, and exercise relieves stress and anxiety and allows you to feel lighter, freer and more hopeful about your day and your life (not to mention making your body healthier). 

Does this mean you'll never overeat again?  No, it means when you do, you get right back on the horse and try again, and keep on exercising. 

Having a hard time getting started?  See a counselor who understands emotional eating, and change your life today.

Sincerely,

Sheila

Sheila Jalali is a Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Old Town at 627 5th Street, Suite 203 in Mukilteo.   She can be reached at (425) 244-2565 or by e-mail at Sheila@JalaliCounseling.com.  Put "Permission" on the subject line.  She welcomes questions and comments.  Learn more about her counseling practice on her website www.jalalicounseling.com.

The information in this article is for informational purposes only and is not meant as medical/mental health advice for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical or mental health conditions.