Dear Sheila

My husband has been unemployed for over a year and has given up trying to find another job.  He sleeps late, stays in his pajamas most of the day, and watches TV.  That’s it. 

When I ask him when he’s going to start looking for work again he just sighs and says that there isn’t any point; no one wants to hire him.  This is very unlike the man I married who was a go-getter before losing his job. 

I don’t think he’s depressed but severely discouraged.  What can he do to get moving again?

-Nagging Nelly in Mukilteo

Dear Nelly,

Boy, it’s a hard time to find work.  President Obama said during The State of the Union address that one in 10 Americans are out of work.  10 percent!  Your husband is not alone. 

I know from my counseling practice that there are a lot of discouraged people, and it is hard not to feel demoralized, discouraged, and yes, even hopeless.  And when you’ve tried to find employment for so long and been turned down so many times, it is hard to believe it will ever change. 

But the important thing to remember is that you only have to find one job, and depending on how badly he wants to work at the moment, it doesn’t necessarily have to be the perfect job.  There are a lot of people out there who are just happy to be working and aren’t working in their chosen field. 

It’s hard because that can feel like a step down, but with the economy as bad as it is at the moment, sometimes down is better than out. 

Here are some steps that have been helpful to my clients and may help your husband get back on track.

1. No more sleeping in on weekdays.  Your job is to act like you have a job.  This means waking up at normal work hours and beginning your “work week” with a daily job search routine no matter how fruitless.  Consider the job search your actual job.

2.  Schedule meetings so you have a reason to get up and out of the house.  Meet with another unemployed buddy or retired friend, etc. and meet for a walk or regular weekly activity or brainstorming job hunting. 

Being accountable to someone else is a powerful motivating tool.  It will help you to feel like you have somewhere you have to be, and someone expecting you to show up.  Sometimes having one scheduled activity during the day gives a person enough to plan around to begin to feel productive.

3. Use this time to explore career interests you’ve never had a chance to explore when you were employed.  Take this time to volunteer in an industry you’re interested in to see if you like the work.  I have heard of more than one person being hired after volunteering because they have literally already been trained for the job when the job opening occurs! 

If you already know the industry you intend to work in and do not have an opportunity to volunteer, volunteer in the community.  Volunteering will help you feel like unemployed time isn’t wasted time.  This will also give you something to plan your day around that is not only helpful to others and productive but it will get you on your feet and moving. 

People naturally get more done once they’ve gotten momentum going.  Certainly it is easier to get moving from a standing position than it is from a sitting position on the couch.

4. Set weekly goals and check them off so you can see all you’ve accomplished.  Include in your list of goals some piece of self improvement:  diet, exercise, positive self-talk, whatever it’s going to take to get you feeling better and back on a fulfilling course.

So often we confuse our worth at our jobs with our self worth.  Jobs come and go, and when our worth is tied to the job, it disappears with the job! 

Our self-worth is something we are born with.  Let that value show in whatever you do with your time.

Sincerely,

Sheila Jalali

Sheila Jalali is a Mental Health Counselor in private practice in Old Town at 627 5th St., Suite 203, Mukilteo.   She can be reached at (425) 244-2565 or by e-mail at Sheila@JalaliCounseling.com.  Put “Permission” on the subject line. 

She welcomes questions and comments.  Learn more about her counseling practice on her website www.jalalicounseling.com.

The information in this article is for informational purposes only and is not meant as medical/mental health advice for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical or mental health condition.